Written By: Gina

We all have New Year’s resolutions we intend to stick to. Mine are to once and for all stop yo-yo dieting and to be open to new experiences and I am off to a good start! I am inspired by great quotes that motivate me, and I’ve seen two on Facebook recently (thank you Irene!), that I wanted to share for many reasons. The first reminds us that we can’t do anything about the past so stop obsessing about it, and the second reminds us that we control all things that affect us…only we can allow others and situations to make us feel hopeful and fulfilled or inferior and insecure.

For a while now, I have been dealing with something huge, personally. Probably 98% of the people I know have no clue what I am going through because I am like a duck on a pond. On the surface, everything looks great- perfect and calm, but underneath I am paddling like hell! I totally [think I] give the impression that I am always in control and nothing can hurt me. Some think I over-share with every little emotion, but that’s not true. Some things- really big things- should remain personal and private, and how you handle them within your own four walls is the true measure of strength. Some things are too big and scary to face head on but I am a firm believer that in order to live an honest and fulfilled life, there’s no other way.

I sometimes wear a coat of armor with people I don’t know well or trust to protect my feelings and insecurities and I know others do the same with me. But everyone has a story and a struggle. Everyone’s pain and strife is relative to their life. It’s the relationships we have without that armor that are most cherished. It’s the relationships we have where you can have a disagreement and get past it that matter the most. Unfortunately though and in many cases, a lot of assumption happens and sadly, the easier choice in how to deal with each other is to just not care or have empathy & understanding for the other person. Unfortunately, I do that more than I would like to admit and it’s not something I'm proud of. It’s easier to assume rather than ask for the truth. People are busy working, trying to raise families and deal with their own lives, that we sometimes forget everyone just wants to be loved and belong…the point being, that comes from within us! As I tell the twins all the time when they tell me they feel insecure or scared about doing things like making new friends in school or approaching someone on the playground, “All those kids feel the same way as you!”

It’s easy to get caught up in the negative- to doubt ourselves and to listen to and accept what others say about us...especially if it’s bad. Why can’t we listen to and accept when others say great things? When someone says you are beautiful, accept it and say thank you! When someone wants to hear your story, be open! When someone asks about your hopes and dreams, it means they are interested. But as my friend Carla reminded me the other night of something Maya Angelou said, “when someone shows you who they really are, you better believe them the first time.” Have the confidence to let those relationships go and move on. If someone is bringing you down and not making your life better and more beneficial, and if they are not willing to do the work to create peace and harmony based on understanding and respect of all views, have the confidence to say, “I’ve had enough!”

I want honesty and clarity in my life. I want to be a good person and enjoy my children. I want to be surrounded by kindness and love, and when I’m not, I will feel comfortable saying goodbye to people and situations that create that disconnect. I want to stop being so hard on myself. But am I doing all I can to be understanding and not judge? Am I allowing people to be themselves in my presence, and am I being my true self with them? How many of us ask that question enough? I watch Joyce Meyer every day and she inspires me to face my fears. She tells me to be confident and to have faith and so I wake up each day and try to do better. As Maya Angelou also once said, “When you know better, you do better.”

I’ve spent the last couple of years teetering on a tough road. I’ve had struggles that would surprise everyone. I’ve also had so many amazing experiences and happy times. I have had fortune, love and conquered many fears. I have come to accept that I cannot change others nor do I want to, and just because I think something should be done a certain way, does not mean others share my views. There are some that love me as I am and welcome my advice and opinions. My kids think I am the best (until they get older at least! haha) and my parents love me and tell me so all the time. How great is that? I am grateful for my life to the core and God knows it. I have done a ton of self reflection- I am doing my part.

I believe we should be honest. I believe we have a responsibility to live our best life because we only get one! I believe we should be kind and show compassion because we never know when we may need it in return. I believe we have to give to get and that blood is not thicker than a really staid and true friendship. I believe we should be grateful for every moment and every blessing and wish the same for others. I believe how we raise our children is our most important job. I believe in God and I know I am loved.

On www.notsalmon.com, Karen Salmansohn shares a lot of great sayings. Two of my favorites are, “View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead and asking, “What was I thinking?,” breathe and ask yourself the kinder question, “What was I learning?” And the other, “De-friend your fears,” is fantastic! Hence the title of this blog….

The following post really inspired today’s writing:

Rules for 2012:
Stand up for yourself. You are a person, not a doormat.
Stop loving someone who doesn't love you back the same way. You aren't a saint. You're a fool.
Don't chase anything. Let it come to you. That's how you know it was meant to be yours.
Put to bed old dreams that no longer bring you passion, and wake up to the ones that do.
Say goodbye to anything that doesn't serve your highest good, so you have room to welcome what does.
Focus your thoughts and actions on what you want, not what you don't want.
Give your energy to yourself first, then others. Just like those oxygen masks on a plane. You can't save anyone if you are already dead.
Love yourself first, honor yourself first, respect yourself first, and others will feel safe enough in your presence to do likewise.
Dream bigger. You'd be surprised how often you end up with the level of your expectations, so why the hell not expect the biggest and the best.
Don't ride anyone's coattails or hitch your wagon to anyone else's star. They have their own damn wings. Let them learn to fly on their own.
Be an inspiration, not an irritation.
Share your mistakes so others might learn from them, too.
Open your heart, but keep good boundaries.
Trust yourself.
Listen to your gut.
And don't forget to breathe. ~Marie D Jones

I am going to start off the New Year by reading this daily. I am going to open myself up to new experiences and people. I am going to focus on the good. I am going to be kinder, honest and I’m going to worry about what others think about me less. I am not going to lower my standards for anyone. I am going to do my best and give 100% because I find value in how I represent myself and my family. I am going to continue watching Joyce every day and thank God for all I have been given. I am going to continue spending time doing things that make my life better and I’m going to love my husband and children.

Happy New Year!! May you all have the peace and clarity to see your path to happiness. May you have the strength to make the changes that allow you to live your best life. May you all have the ability to de-friend your fears!

In peace & love,

Gina